I asked everyone else to leave. I didn't want anybody else to lose their sleep. Dad was admitted to the hospital on that morning itself and after an entire day of check up he was referred to ICU. We were told that he was improving and he was referred so that his recovery could be faster. I volunteered to stay and didn't allow any other kin because I wanted to be with Dad. Ever since I remember I always slept with Dad and this continued till his operation. I didn't want to leave Dad with anybody else. I felt I was the best who could have been there beside him. As the night passed by I was left alone. There were two more attendants of some different patient with me but they chose to sleep. Staying awake on such a cold winter was not so easy. Even I couldn't have stayed awake if it would have been for somebody else than my father. I drank plenty of water. I even chewed few areca nuts. I din't have a sound sleep the night before too. I was sure to make a tough call by morning. I had made up my mind to take him to a better doctor or if necessary even to a metro to get him well. I was with him three weeks back for nine days. We went to Chennai for his cervical dysfunction surgery. He recovered fast then. The peace of the night was disturbed by some noise in the ICU at about 03:30 AM. Although I had a watch, I forgot to see the time. I was sure it was for one of the four other patients who were also there with my Dad because two of them were already very critical. I stood and prayed for whosoever it was. At about 04:30 AM the doctor came walking to me and I lost the grip to stand. I was the only child of my parents and that didn't let me fall. The doctor said that my father wouldn't survive and he was in the last hour of life. I was never ready for such a moment. I went in with the doctor. I could see that his BP was severely high and heart beats were low in the display attached beside him. The doctor informed that multiple organs had failed and he was hit by a cardiac arrest. I touched his feet and rubbed it. Every night before sleep it was customary for me to massage his hands and feet for a while. While I rubbed his feet I tried calling him with the hope that he could listen to me. I realised his feet losing senses and he was dead by then. I could feel his soul leaving away his dead body. I was shivering and about to fall until when one of the hospital staffs caught hold of me. I don't know whether it was because of less winter clothes or something else. I am one among those unlucky son who has seen his father die and I couldn't do anything good. I had to stay numb. I wanted to cry but I couldn't. My dad never taught me to cry. I couldn't cry in front of him even though he was dead. I came outside and broke down in the stairs. The umbrella of fatherly care and love was all gone. How could I say my mother about that? I thought to jump out of the window and end my life too. At least then I could have been beside Dad. I thought of my mother. She had already lost her elder son and now her husband. I couldn't leave her too. I called a few of my kin and informed them. I asked them not to inform anything to my mother. I went in without any tears. My dad taught me never to cry. He would be hurt if he ever saw me cry. I asked the doctor for the death certificate and discharge report. I even called up the vehicle who is supposed to carry soulless bodies to the cremation place. I could hear the nurses talk amongst themselves that how was I so stable even after my Dad's sudden death. Well my dad had taught me to be so. I called up my Mother after ninety minutes and she was already awake. She did early morning prayers and was also ready to make breakfast for Dad. I said her that my Dad was no more with us. I took him to home where everyone was already broken. When I born, my Dad was very happy to carry me to our home. I was bringing home my dead father. The balance was uneven. The balance remains uneven. I wish I could save my father.
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