Have we acheived gender equality?

Have we succesfully overcomed all our preconceived notions against women or we are still buckled up in our prejudices?

We still don't consider both the genders at par if we still hesitate wearing pink just because we feel that's the colouris not made for men. We are still behind parity if we have a pinch of fear while letting our women folk drive a car. We still aren't equal if we think women earning more than men would bring any ego issues in the family. We aren't equal as long as we don't stop advising parents to save money for their daughter's wedding rather than encouraging them to spend on her education. We still aren't equal if we feel women can't be the active partner while bearing expenses in a family. We are never equal as long as we don't stop judging a girl who hasn't got married till she is 30. We aren't equal as long as we believe women need to touch her husband's feet for blessings. We aren't equal as long we as believe only women need to cook meals. We aren't equal as long as women need permissions for living her life. We aren't equal as long as we need reservations for women. We aren't equal as long as we stop judging the girl who has more male friends than female.

Equality shall be acheived as long as we respect each other's independence and as long as we learn to trust in someone.

Joymoti Konwori - The Unsung Lady

Between the years of 1671 to 1681, the state of Assam, then under the Ahom rulers was under the rule of many incompetent kings who were puppets at the hands of their Nobles and Prime Ministers. The Prime Minister to the Lora Raja or boy king Sulikhpaa, Laluksala Borpukan had ordered for all the princes of the Ahom dynasty to be mutilated, a period known as the Purge of the Princes of 1679 to 1681. The aim was to keep his puppet king on the throne, and so would his power over the ruling of the state. The soldiers were unable to find Prince Gadapani who had fled to the Naga hills. To find Gadapani’s whereabouts, his wife, Joymoti was arrested and brutally tortured. She was tortured for a period of fourteen days, in ‘Jerenga pathar’ in Sivasagar. She was tied to a thorny plant and inhuman physical afflictions were inflicted on her body. She never got weak and instead faced all tortures although she was pregnant then. Gadapani, on learning about the tortures about his wife, reached Jerenga Pathar incognito. He signalled her to speak out the truth. She didn’t and instead signalled back at him to escape. She wanted her husband to be the king and build an empire which would be free of all socio-economic problems. A mother of two, Lai and Lechai, aged 14 and 12. Later after 14 days of inhuman torture she died.  The tremendous sacrifice of Joymoti for her state brought about a ‘renaissance’ in the history of Assam. Given the title of “Sati” because of her valiant fight, Joymoti remains immortal. The first Assamese film, directed by Jyoti Prasad Agarwal, Joymoti, was a biopic of Joymoti Konwari released in March 1935. Her elder son, Sukhrungphaa, or Lai built the Joysagar tank, the largest of all tanks built by the Ahom Kings and also the largest man-made lake of India, stands on the very place in Sivsagar, where Joymoti was tortured three centuries ago. 

Joymoti died on the 13^th day of the Hindu month of Chaitra. 27^th March 2019 is celebrated  as Sati Joymoti Divas.

Joymoti is a perfect exemplar of feminism where she devoted her entire life for her dream of an empire which would be free from socio-economic problems. The kind of persecution she faced has no other parallel in the history ever.  

Section 497 - ABOLISHED

Section 497 in The Indian Penal Code

Adultery - Whoever has sexual intercourse with a person who is and whom he knows or has reason to believe to be the wife of another man, without the consent or connivance of that man, such sexual intercourse not amounting to the offence of rape, is guilty of the offence of adultery, and shall be punished with imprisonment of either description for a term which may extend to five years, or with fine, or with both. In such case the wife shall not be punishable as an abettor.

The Supreme Court on 27th September declared it as unconstitutional the penal provision on adultery, saying it was manifestly arbitrary and dents the individuality of women.

The problem with Section 497 is that it considered women as the victim of the offence and as 'property' of her husband. It was not of any problem if the husband had intercourse with an woman after getting her husband's consent.

After declaring the section as unconstitutional the jail term of 5 years has been abolished. However adultery will continue to stand as a reason for divorce. Allowing it to be a reason for divorce, it gives the couple a chance to decide whether to continue with the dent in their marriage or seek for separation. This glorifies the view that punishment cannot build commitment in a relationship.

However if one of the partners commit suicide due to the adulterous nature of their partner, the culprit could be proceeded against criminal offence of abetting suicide.

Section 497 treated a married woman as a commodity of her husband and abolishing Section 497 allows the couple to deal with their private life in their own way.

Adultery still holds as a crime in Afghanistan, Bangladesh, Pakistan, Iran, UAE, Egypt and Congo. Adultery is not considered as a crime in China, Japan, Brazil, Australia, Germany and South Korea.

The homemaker hubby

Stereotypes that have been there for ages saying an woman's true place to be in the kitchen and proudly we have been able to drive that out of the society to a great extent. It may be prevalent in the society somewhere in the nooks and corners, but it can be claimed that the era of the stereotype is in the history now.

The next generation stood up to step ahead towards equality where responsibilities and chores of the house were shared equally by the partners and which resulted in a progressive household and also led to higher household income. This trend is still followed in many households. Sharing things brings in respect for each other among the partners and also brings extra moments of love.

There is this new concept of the husband being the homemaker. Yes, I am saying something from the recent bollywood release 'Ki & Ka' starring Kareena Kapoor and Arjun Kapoor. Its actually a great concept for men who have longed to be in the kitchen. Usually men drop out the idea of being in the kitchen with the fear what their neighbours and kin's might think. Social norms have taken out the urge from many men to spend in kitchen. Many men like to do household chores and they long to be near the stove. It is pertinent when after a week of hard work men run to the kitchen on sundays to cook something good for their other half. They find solitude in cooking rather than analyzing excel sheets with data poured in it. Its not only chilling beside the lake with a pint in hand that brings excitement in to a man, but also cooking and doing other household chores. In fact, this new concept has proven that work and gender aren't related at all and everyone in the society has the right to live their life.

Should she change her surname??

Is a girl born only to be a wife of a dominating man and not born as a daughter? Why is it that a lady has to bear all the social pressures and change her surname or add another surname? Aren’t we living in midst of irony when on one hand we are yelling women empowerment and gender equality and on the other hand are practicing such acts?

Indian marriages are very colorful, starting from the mehendi in the palm of the bride to the glittery reception ceremony. A bride is welcomed to her new home in midst of lot of celebrations and colors; but this color and charm doesn’t stay for too long. Her husband and In-laws start asking her about when she is going to change her surname. Most of the times this goes unopposed as the girl has been raised with a mentality that changing her father’s surname and adapting to her husband surname is very natural and essential. These are issues that need to be thought and opposed. A girl should have the freedom to continue with her father’s surname. We men are concerned about our machismo. We are not acting as real men when we ask the lady of our life to change her surname and add ours only to go along with the pre-existent social norms. We are exhibiting our masculinity only when we are asking her to keep her surname leading a h happy life.

Indian culture has always been discussed and appreciated for the respect of its women. We have always placed women at the par with God and have always worshipped them as Goddess. After keeping them on the same par with women, we demonstrate our respect towards them. Then why to destroy the respect within us for them by asking them to adopt our family name and give up theirs? Indian culture has always highlighted respect for women.

We have been opposing pre-existent social norms like inter-religion marriage and inter-caste marriage. We have always been terming them as unethical. Haven’t we missed something else on the list? Changing of surname isn’t of the same quantum and same religion marriage but is also not so petite that it can be let go unnoticed. We must bring the change and start it from ourselves. We mustn’t ask the new bride in our family to change her surname. If and only if we step a foot to bring the change and the society realizes its need, sooner it shall become the trend.

Love with a Prostitute

My uncle has been associated with transport business. I am familiar with many of his drivers and helpers. I have seen a few times one of his driver being isolated by the rest of the group. I never felt to inquire the reason why. Every time when I wasn't with my dad and I had to be dropped to Guwahati I hoped into one of  his truck which was scheduled towards Guwahati. I managed to save a few bucks of my pocket money and also enjoyed a good conversation with the driver & helper. 

It was one day when I had to come Guwahati and the truck that was scheduled towards Guwahati was to be driven by the driver that had been isolated by the group. I got up into the truck and their wasn't any helper too on that day. I thought the reason for isolating the driver was his introversion. I made myself comfortable in the helpers seat.

Surprisingly just after few minutes of starting the journey the driver started the conversation. He introduced himself as Madan Barua. The hi-hello session began and we started talking. He wasn't an introvert at all. After talking for a few minutes I asked him why did he chose to stay away from the group of the rest drivers and helpers. He said it was not he but the rest of the people who had decided not to talk to him. On further inquiring I found out that since he married a sex-worker he was separated from the group.

I insisted on knowing a little more about his marriage. He giggled and started. He worked as a helper ever since he was a seventeen year old lad. After working for a few months he started to learn driving. He got his professional truck driver license when he was 19. As a driver he got introduced to bumpy roads, late night driving, alcohol and brothels. He had been to numerous brothels. He met a girl in one of the brothels when he was 22. She was a year elder to him. He couldn't make himself feel comfortable after sex. He visited her again. Next time he didn't have sex. He talked with her the entire night. He visited her few more times and later he discovered he had fallen in love with her. He proposed her and she agreed. They got married in a temple.

He continued the conversation. He said that he didn't believe in seeking a virgin girl to get married. He always wanted a lady who could understand him.

Those words didn't seem like they came out of a truck drivers heart. All I got to learn in that 64 Km ride from Mr. Barua is that, 'Maturity is beyond profession and love is beyond the purity of the hymen'.

Submitted for Indispire

Virginity: The Character Parameter

The Girl Child

In India a parent would save money to spend on his daughter's wedding rather than spending it for her education, where the girl child is taught to obey and serve man under their dominion, where she is expected to sacrifice everything for the family's sake and where she is expected to confine to homely chores.

With this mentality at the back of our brain and then we worship at least a dozen of Lady Goddess. Isn't it ironical??

We are drawing the gender difference line right from the childhood and are upbringing the girl child with an inferiority complex. After such a flaw-filled mentality, we wonder why is the crime against women increasing??

The answer to all questions relating to crime against women has the root result as our mentality. 

As the girl child is in the womb she has to fight foeticide, as she is growing up she has to fight infanticide, as she is in the adolescence stage she has to fight the eve teasers look and manage to stay bold and as she gets married she is expected to meet the In-Laws expectations. The change in such a mentality is an urgent need.

What should be done to bring the change??

• We mustn't set limits for the girl child. We must let the girl child be independent.
• We must eliminate dowry.
• We must stop blaming women's clothing as the reason for eve-teasing and rape. The only reason for rape is a psychic mentality.
• The shouldn't be any alternative to rape other than capital punishment.
• No separate Juvenile laws for rape. In Dec 16 Nirbhaya Rape Case the key accused being a juvenile escapes. He escapes after three years and he will rape again He should have been given the capital punishment the very next day his involvement was proved.
• We as boys and men, must know how to respect women. If anybody is found humiliating a women's self respect we must stand and fight. Fighting against such social evils isn't a crime at all.

I would like to share an incident which clearly tells what an Woman's esteem is and how we should really act when the hour is there to stand up for an Woman's right.

Bishnu Shrestha, who had just retired from the Indian army where he served as a Gorkha soldier, held off a horde of robbers that tried to rob a train in India. From the article on Republica: 

“The band of about 40 robbers, some of whom were travelling as passengers, stopped the train in the Chittaranjan jungles in West Bengal around midnight." Shrestha– who had boarded the train at Ranchi in Jharkhand, the place of his posting–was in seat no. 47 in coach AC3. 

“They started snatching jewelry, cell phones, cash, laptops and other belongings from the passengers,” Shrestha recalled. The soldier had somehow remained a silent spectator amidst the melee, but not for long. He had had enough when the robbers stripped an 18-year-old girl sitting next to him and tried to rape her right in front of her parents. He then took out his khukuri and took on the robbers. 

“The girl cried for help, saying ´You are a soldier, please save a sister´,” Shrestha recalled. “I prevented her from being raped, thinking of her as my own sister,” he added. He took one of the robbers under control and then started to attack the others. He said the rest of the robbers fled after he killed three of them with his khukuri and injured eight others…“Fighting the enemy in battle is my duty as a soldier; taking on the dacoits in the train was my duty as a human being,” said the Indian army nayak.