To love is to trust

The marriages of most of our parent's have been arranged. Love marriages, were not so common back then. How did they manage to stay loyal for so long without even being in love with the person? We tend to judge more, have more doubts on each others loyalty and perhaps break ups are so common than ever. Out true love lasts for couple of months. We have forgotten that even after being in relationship with someone we still have the independence to go out for a meal with a colleague of opposite gender, take a ride on their two wheeler, click a picture together, share a conversation, visit each others residence and have some good time. Why do we have so many doubts? Why do we even think that it is necessary to have sex with the person with whom we have gone out for a meal or shared a ride in their pillion? Why do we even think think that it is necessary to have sex with everyone? Has time changed or our mentality has degraded. Perhaps we are misinterpreting independence or we haven't learned to trust anyone. If you have been in love with someone than how can you not trust that person? Is trust not a part of love. Or we have been so decorated by bills and EMI's that we know to trust only when a bond is attached and that too duly signed in under legal jurisdiction. I have seen people for being together for years and then approaching counsellors and detectives to check on their partner. Aren't we spreading hatred? How could our parents have no doubt on each other? How could they be in love and not say it by words everyday but prove it by their actions? We must learn something from the ear that just passed by. They would define love better to us. They have known to trust and also to respect each others trust and stayed away from being heartbroken for always. Why aren't our parents so bothered that if each of them had anyone special during their past life? Are we suppose to call ourselves modern after we fight over the past issues so much  that we end up spoiling our present. Perhaps our generation has learnt only to click good pictures, spend a lot to pretend being in love, spend extravagantly to show their love and post pictures only to make others jealous. We have also deteriorated ourselves to a whole new level. The futures of tomorrow believe in proving love by sending nudes. God bless the lust addict trust deficit generation. 

Allure of Marriage

An elderly man was disturbed by his neighbours compalints of a married life and he often got offended when recently married couples often cracked jokes that that 'happily married' was an irony. He called a few couples one evening and he asked any lady to volunteer for a small game.

 

 

 

"Write the names of twenty five near and dear ones in your life?" he asked the lady pointing the board.

 

The lady got astonished and she looked at the man. The man insisted her to continue. She wrote the names of her husband, her child, her parents, her in-laws, her friends and few of her close relatives. In no time her list of twenty five got filled on the white board.

 

The man read the entire list and asked her to remove five names, She removed a few relatives. The man again insisted to remove five more names. She removed a couple of her friends. When asked for the third time, she removed the names of few more friends. The final list contained six names which had the names of her parents, her in - laws, her husband and child. The man now asked to remove three names, which left the lady in despair. He reminded her it was just a game. She omitted the names of her in - laws and her Dad. The only three names in the board contained the names of her husband, child and her mother. The man now asked her to remove one more name. She left the game. He insisted her and reminded her about the veritability that it was just a mere game. She stepped forward unwillingly in the saturated silence of the entire room and unwillingly rubbed her mother's name. She was left with a board full of two mere names that held her whole world. The entire room of compalining youths was now left with silent sympatheies and realizations. The man broke all went to test the extreme endurance and now asked her to omit the final name. She broke down like never before. She forgot the game and repeatedly said that it was impossible. When insisted again and again, she rubbed her child's name.

 

"Now you all know the game", the man said and he helped the girl to her seat and asked her to calm down.

 

The irony of a happily married life was now turned in to deference. The man gladly remembered his dead wife.

Should she change her surname??

Is a girl born only to be a wife of a dominating man and not born as a daughter? Why is it that a lady has to bear all the social pressures and change her surname or add another surname? Aren’t we living in midst of irony when on one hand we are yelling women empowerment and gender equality and on the other hand are practicing such acts?

Indian marriages are very colorful, starting from the mehendi in the palm of the bride to the glittery reception ceremony. A bride is welcomed to her new home in midst of lot of celebrations and colors; but this color and charm doesn’t stay for too long. Her husband and In-laws start asking her about when she is going to change her surname. Most of the times this goes unopposed as the girl has been raised with a mentality that changing her father’s surname and adapting to her husband surname is very natural and essential. These are issues that need to be thought and opposed. A girl should have the freedom to continue with her father’s surname. We men are concerned about our machismo. We are not acting as real men when we ask the lady of our life to change her surname and add ours only to go along with the pre-existent social norms. We are exhibiting our masculinity only when we are asking her to keep her surname leading a h happy life.

Indian culture has always been discussed and appreciated for the respect of its women. We have always placed women at the par with God and have always worshipped them as Goddess. After keeping them on the same par with women, we demonstrate our respect towards them. Then why to destroy the respect within us for them by asking them to adopt our family name and give up theirs? Indian culture has always highlighted respect for women.

We have been opposing pre-existent social norms like inter-religion marriage and inter-caste marriage. We have always been terming them as unethical. Haven’t we missed something else on the list? Changing of surname isn’t of the same quantum and same religion marriage but is also not so petite that it can be let go unnoticed. We must bring the change and start it from ourselves. We mustn’t ask the new bride in our family to change her surname. If and only if we step a foot to bring the change and the society realizes its need, sooner it shall become the trend.

Inter Caste Marriage

In India, when a sperm and an ova meet the first thing they decide is the caste and the religion. Why is it so? Is inter-caste justifiable? Aren't we too outdated that we are still stuck in such issues?

In the era of Kings and Palaces the jobs of the people were distinctly classified and people were to follow those jobs generations after generations. It was a belief that a carpenter's son could not learn anything else but carpentry. The belief was there because it was felt that a carpenters son got exposed to carpentry most of the time and so was his learning better in that field. The same was with other professions. Later this classification of profession transformed to castes and people with some luxurious professions started hating the other profession people. This is how the society got divided into two halves. It was also accepted by the people then because people had different habits. People from one profession had a unique lifestyle and food habit, which was completely different from others. It was believed that when a girl from one different professional background would step into a household that follows another profession, she would face troubles to accept the culture and hence their could have been conflict of opinions. So to avoid such conflicts the concept of inter caste marriage prevailed and was propagated.

Today in this era a guy, whose forefathers were warriors; who has done his schooling in Assam, graduation in Delhi, masters in Ahmedabad and works in Bhubneswar marries a girl who basically hails from Karnataka, whose forefathers were priests; who has done her schooling in Tamil Nadu, graduation and masters in Delhi and works in Bhubneswar. This kind of scenario isn't very unique in this era. There isn't any propagation of profession. People are unique, they are brought up in a cosmopolitan culture and they are exposed to all kind of profession and life styles. There is nothing called marriage in a caste. People today don't match castes, rather they search for understanding in their perfect companion.

Virginity: The Character Parameter

Doesn't it make a section of men feel retard to judge a beautiful soul based on her hymen? Is it machismo to cheat a girl, dump her, move on and marry another? What shall happen to the girl? Apart from a psychological break down because of break up and instead of a support, she finds a man who refuses to be with her after he finds out that she went along with someone else. Is it the story of two men showing their machismo or the prevalence of a retarded uncultured society?

Instead of blaming her for sleeping with another man why can't he step ahead and try to act matured while trying to understand her. A man who judges a girl on her virginity has always found love in the vagina. A man who can't stand the fact that his wife had slept with someone else has  no right to even ask a girl out for a date. Even if the man hasn't even been with anyone else before he shouldn't  react if his partner isn't a virgin and instead he should try to be supportive to the person who had been a victim of false promises.

What if a retarded uncultured finds out that there was no blood spill on his first night? Does that mean that his partner isn't a virgin? Couldn't he think a little matured that she might be adventurous and sporty and could have been associated with cycling, horse riding or swimming? Or on the contrary what if another retarded uncultured finds out blood spill on his first night? Should he cherish his achievement of finding someone virgin or should he read a little about hymenorrhaphy?

Instead of developing our notion for someone based on her virginity we must try to respect her for what she is from her inside. Virginity isn't any character parameter. It is simply ignorance and prevalence of an uncultured society.

Submitted for Indispire

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