To love is to trust

The marriages of most of our parent's have been arranged. Love marriages, were not so common back then. How did they manage to stay loyal for so long without even being in love with the person? We tend to judge more, have more doubts on each others loyalty and perhaps break ups are so common than ever. Out true love lasts for couple of months. We have forgotten that even after being in relationship with someone we still have the independence to go out for a meal with a colleague of opposite gender, take a ride on their two wheeler, click a picture together, share a conversation, visit each others residence and have some good time. Why do we have so many doubts? Why do we even think that it is necessary to have sex with the person with whom we have gone out for a meal or shared a ride in their pillion? Why do we even think think that it is necessary to have sex with everyone? Has time changed or our mentality has degraded. Perhaps we are misinterpreting independence or we haven't learned to trust anyone. If you have been in love with someone than how can you not trust that person? Is trust not a part of love. Or we have been so decorated by bills and EMI's that we know to trust only when a bond is attached and that too duly signed in under legal jurisdiction. I have seen people for being together for years and then approaching counsellors and detectives to check on their partner. Aren't we spreading hatred? How could our parents have no doubt on each other? How could they be in love and not say it by words everyday but prove it by their actions? We must learn something from the ear that just passed by. They would define love better to us. They have known to trust and also to respect each others trust and stayed away from being heartbroken for always. Why aren't our parents so bothered that if each of them had anyone special during their past life? Are we suppose to call ourselves modern after we fight over the past issues so much  that we end up spoiling our present. Perhaps our generation has learnt only to click good pictures, spend a lot to pretend being in love, spend extravagantly to show their love and post pictures only to make others jealous. We have also deteriorated ourselves to a whole new level. The futures of tomorrow believe in proving love by sending nudes. God bless the lust addict trust deficit generation. 

The love deprived generation

What do we get by the enthusiasm of today's generation to celebrate an entire week on valentine's day? Why are they so crazy for just one day. They have never ever realized that love blooms in those small moments everyday than celebrating a grand  on one special day.

I belong to a generation with one leg on the modern era that's running now and the other on the era that belongs to a decade back. I am not modern but a semi-modern lover and that has made me realize the deprivation of today's generation. This generation has abundance of sex and sex partners. I am not pointing my disagreement on anybody's independence but today's modern generation hardly has any difficulty in finding sex mates. What we lack is that special someone who would kiss them on their forehead or hold their hand while enjoring a stroll in a nearby community park or talk till midnight or just be there and feel the essence of being special to someone or save pocket money to buy a gift. A decade back, things were mostly of that sort. 

Decorating restaurant corner seats with a special dinner and costly gifts are impressive but why are we doing them only on one special week of the year? Anyday anytime we can bring a moment of love in our partner's life. We belong to a generation who is starving for love. We need someone to hold us tighly. We need someone to hug us more frequently. Emotional breakdowns are now more often than anytime else and so we need someone to lend us their shoulder to rely upon. We need someone we can trust always. We needmore of holding hands. We need more of kisses. We need more love. Love is what will keep us alive in this winter of  life.

Travel To Discover

Why to Travel? Is it seriously to explore new places or try out new cuisines or have an experience about different culture or food habits? Or it is just to load your instagram with fancy selfies and fish around for more double-taps or check in at new airports and let the world know that you can afford to travel? Is it seriously for yourself or a status quotient?

If you are travelling to save your social status amongst your network then its seriously an issue that you must give a thought. In this era of global village, where you are stuck between presentations and EMI's, you hardly get to know who lives on the other end of your apartment. If you are getting a chance to explore then you must go on with discovering your inner peace and exploring things that probably you won't even dream about while you are in your conference room. Some of you might find it strange but there are people who are more bothered about their facebook likes on their pout selfie in front of an international airport than have the real fun of travelling.

I like to travel. Whenever I go around to explore a new place I either do it alone or with the least possible company. Having someone with whom you can share a similar thought is what matters more to me than a group of noise making dissimilar crowd. That gives me a lot of benefits. I  get peace which isn't so easily available these days. I get to know the  place better as lesser people means lesser priorities and more similarities. Also, if I am travelling with someone special then it gives me a chance to know the other person better. It is about discovering our common likeness and common dislikeness.

Written for Indispire

Best Proposal Scene Ever

We all have proposed or received proposals. While some hide themselves behind the cellphone screen and drop a simple text over whatsapp, there are quite a few who prefer to do it vehemently. Movies have always had a great role in idolizing love in our lives. The scene from 'A Walk To Remember' where the Landon asks Jamie if she would marry him while they were gazing at  the sky with a telescope  even after knowing that Jamie was fighting against cancer. Also, the scene from 'He's just not that into you' where Beth is about to throw away the trousers and Neil asks her to check the poskets and she finds a ring and turns around to find Neil on his knees saying, "I love you so much, so much, so much and I want to make you happy. I need to make you happy for  me to even have a shot at being happy.

There are quite a few remarkable from bollywood too. The scene from Saathiya where Aditya proposes Suhani in front of his friends in a moving train. Also the scene from Wake Up Sid wheer Sid runs to Aisha and hugs her in Marine Drive while it  was raining. Even in Rang De Basanti Ajay took his entire gang to an old fort and proposed Sonia in an utost serene environment. 

However the best scene that I have ever seen is from Jannat where Arjun takes his car to stop in front of Zoya's car at a traffic signal, gets down on his knees and proposes her. While you can call it as overrrated bollywood or a bookie's crazy on the moment instinct reaction without any damn fear, it is still the best scene ever. It can also a try to copy real life businessman Mukesh Ambani's proposal style to Nita Ambani where he stopped his car in mid traffic and proposed her and he only agreed to start it again after she agreed to his proposal. 

Religion, Rituals and Superstitions

We can define faith as belief in revealed truth. Superstion is belief in happenings of supernatural activities. Superstition directly contradicts faith. Ritual is set of activities of a particular group of people performed in fixed order for a particular cause, necessarily originating from a religion, community or even a small group. Religion is a fundamental set of belief agreed upon by a group of people who believe in the cause, nature and purpose of universe and performsome devotional activities. Superstitions are although believed to  originate from religion is not necessarily so. Superstition originates with the fear from predicting a series of misdeed happening to an individual or several individuals coincidentally after some same action to happen to all other individual who does that action. It has nothing to do with religion. Superstition is all about fear.

I encountered several such rituals  and superstitious beliefs during my the events after my fathers death. Although I agreed to follow a few of them, I gently denied to follow the rest. 

• There has always been a belief of taking bath after cremation in Hindu faith and taking birth before burial in Islam faith. During my few visits to attend cremation, I don't remember taking bath everytime. I took cremation as a day to day task and only took bath if I hadn't taken bath in the entire day. My rule is to bath daily. I was told to believe scientifically with the logic that wind brings flying ash from the pyre to fall upon the one's standing near the pyre and that's why we need to bath after attending cremation. In that case, I will always take bath after entering home from the polluted city life.

• I was asked to not have anything or drink water even, for three days as I was the one who gave the fire to my fathers corpse, popularly known as 'Mukhagni'. I didn't get any logic to that and I drank water. Although I didn't eat anything, still I drank water. I didn't get any logic to stay thirsty for three days. I was told this was to feel that someone close has left me. My father was dead just couple of hours back and I didn't need anything to impose grief on me. I am still broken because of his absence.

• I suddenly turned untouchable. Some people started standing away from me. Luckily I had near and dear ones who too didn't believe in anything of that sort. They believed that for 10 days my fathers soul would be wandering around me and so touching me could land them up in danger. 

• I am asked to not visit any temple or take part in any religious activity up to an year after my father's death. I seldom visit any temple, but I feel sorry for my mother. 

• I was also asked to remain wet for three days. Everytime I dried up, I had to take bath again. This was supposed to go till three days. I was told to do so to feel the grief. I denied to stay wet for three days in temperature range of 24 C - 14 C. 

• Me and my Mom had to take meal only once in day and that too at a time when nobody ever felt hungry. This continued for 13 days.

• I am asked to stay away from attending weddings, cultural gatherings, eating outside, going to any social event and anything auspicious. This is to keep  me feeling the grief.

I would consider most of these to be superstitions as I don't see the root of any perfect logic. My father was not at all superstitious and we would often laugh at such superstitions. Although he was religious, he was not superstitous. My fathers rational nature gave me the strength to oppose such beliefs. Social pressure compelled me to follow a few of them and I shall continue to follow those few for the works of everyone dependent on me. However, for whomsoever I would be dependent upon I would ask to deny such beliefs. If it is believed that by following certain activities blindly I would feel the grief of someone's absence than its absolutely not so. It would turn me more rebellious. I will always feel my fathers absence and it is not for just a year. I will feel my fathers absence even if I don't follow these. It comes from heart and it can't be imposed. This is all about respect. I believe these superstitions are just to impose the grief of someone's absence on his near and dear ones and which is not at all necessary.

The morning of 15th December 2018

I asked everyone else to leave. I didn't want anybody else to lose their sleep. Dad was admitted to the hospital on that morning itself and after an entire day of check up he was referred to ICU. We were told that he was improving and he was referred so that his recovery could be faster. I volunteered to  stay and didn't allow any other kin because I wanted to be with Dad. Ever since I remember I always slept with Dad and this continued till his operation. I didn't want to leave Dad with anybody else. I felt I was the best who could have been there beside him. As the night passed by I was left alone. There were two more attendants of some different patient with me but they chose to sleep. Staying awake on such a cold winter was not so easy. Even I couldn't have stayed awake if it would have been for somebody else than my father. I drank plenty of water. I even chewed few areca nuts. I din't have a sound sleep the night before too. I was sure to make a tough call by morning. I had made up my mind to take him to a better doctor or if necessary even to a metro to get him well. I was with him three weeks back for nine days. We went to Chennai for his cervical dysfunction surgery. He recovered fast then. The peace of the night was disturbed by some noise in the ICU at about 03:30 AM. Although I had a watch, I forgot to see the time. I was sure it was for one of the four other patients who were also there with my Dad because two of them were already very critical. I stood and prayed for whosoever it was. At about 04:30 AM the doctor came walking to me and I lost the grip to stand. I was the only child of my parents and that didn't let me fall. The doctor said that my father wouldn't survive and he was in the last hour of life. I was never ready for such a moment. I went in with the doctor. I could see that his BP was severely high and heart beats were low in the display attached beside him. The doctor informed that multiple organs had failed and he was hit by a cardiac arrest. I touched his feet and rubbed it. Every night before sleep it was customary for me to massage his hands and feet for a while. While I rubbed his feet I tried calling him with the hope that he could listen to me. I realised his feet losing senses and he was dead by then. I could feel his soul leaving away his dead body. I was shivering and about to fall until when one of the hospital staffs caught hold of me. I don't know whether it was because of less winter clothes or something else. I am one among those unlucky son who has seen his father die and I couldn't do anything good. I had to stay numb. I wanted to cry but I couldn't. My dad never taught me to cry. I couldn't cry in front of him even though he was dead. I came outside and broke down in the stairs. The umbrella of fatherly care and love was all gone. How could I say my mother about that? I thought to jump out of the window and end my life too. At least then I could have been beside Dad. I thought of my mother. She had already lost her elder son and now her husband. I couldn't leave her too. I called a few of my kin and informed them. I asked them not to inform anything to my mother. I went in without any  tears. My dad taught me never to cry. He would be hurt if he ever saw me cry. I asked the doctor for the death certificate and discharge report. I even called up the vehicle who is supposed to carry soulless bodies to the cremation place. I could hear the nurses talk amongst themselves that how was I so stable even after my Dad's sudden death. Well my dad had taught me to be so. I called up  my Mother after ninety minutes and she was already awake. She did early morning prayers and was also ready to make breakfast for Dad. I said her that  my Dad was no more with us. I took him to home where everyone was already broken. When I born, my Dad was very happy to carry me to our home. I was bringing home my dead father. The balance was uneven. The balance remains uneven. I wish I could save my father.